Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
