I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize