ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
