I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize