Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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