evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
