hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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