Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
