Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you didnt know i had herpes?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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