He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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