My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
