All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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