I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
