Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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