the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
