yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
