She is in my trunk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
