I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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