if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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