so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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