I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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