I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
