somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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