its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
