I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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