He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
