I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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