Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
