he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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