I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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