I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm like, not good at living.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
