Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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