In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
birth control should be required to get into college
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
