12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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