What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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