I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
