I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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