In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
