is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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