Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
