Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
