My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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