gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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