Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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