do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
