I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
