well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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