you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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