I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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