the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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