The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
