you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
