My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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