i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
