everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize