My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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