Tell her she can't have a vagina
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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