Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
