I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
