I'm so fucking centered right now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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