we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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