I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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