He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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