I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize